DuanCulo

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jaaclynnnn TW - I know I’ve wrote captions about this before, but with everything going on in the world right now, I wanted to re-iterate the importance of sharing your story. When I was in high school I was raped by someone who I thought of as a friend and honestly, had a crush on. At the time I was a pretty broken person, I struggled with substance abuse, a self harm addiction, my eating disorder and my depression. He knew all of this, I had opened up and expressed how I felt to him on multiple occasions and even though he was a very confident person, I still thought he understood me. Even after the fact, I tried to remain his friend because I put the blame onto myself, after all I was the one who invited him over to my house. I thought I was deserving of this happening to me, that it was all my fault; I could have fought harder, screamed louder and if I hadn’t have done this or that then I could have avoided the situation. I’m almost 23 (tomorrow!) and yet that night still follows me around like my shadow. I often have dreams so vivid of that night that I wake up still thinking I feel his touch, he never leaves me, he’s apart of me forever now. After it happened I told not one soul about it and still today that is my biggest regret; not for any other reason other than because I think that he raped other women after me and I could have stopped this if I spoke up. Yes, that night haunts me, but nothing compares to the guilt that I feel for putting other women in danger for my own anxiety driven mistakes. I know how awful it is, I know how dirty you feel afterwards, but sharing your story really does make all the difference (if you can’t, that is still okay too! The time will come) Informing the police, your parents, a friend or going to the hospital is always something that is going to make a difference, but of course it’s terrifying. Just know that you are brave (regardless) and that your strength is inspiring. If there’s one thing that you take away from me sharing this, it’s to remember that you were not deserving of this, you did all you could possibly do and that I am proud of you for still existing through the pain. We are stronger than our trauma
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DuanCulo

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DuanCulo

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